The first time I was left alone with my step-kids aged 3 and 5, I was completely out of my depth and totally overwhelmed. I had no clue how to be in charge of these tiny terrifying humans and absolutely zero knowledge of how to ‘parent’ them.

I did what I always do and asked for help from one of my more grown up friends. The type of friend who was adulting long before I’d moved out of home. The one who never had to use a dating app because she’d married her childhood sweetheart. The kind of friend who knew what all the settings on their oven did.

The advice she gave was spot on, and something I often think of to this day…

“Remember you’re the adult!”

Despite how right she was in that instance. I have recently come to realise that when it comes to my life, and particularly my relationship, this advice needs to be completely and utterly ignored.

Let me explain……….

My husband and I were both totally wild in our younger days. We met in our late 30s when those days seemed like a distant memory, a story someone else was telling – familiar, but slightly blurry.

We bonded over stories of late nights and early mornings.

Dancing to the tunes blasting out of chip vans, parked outside grotty clubs as the sun came up. Talking complete nonsense to a stranger who just seemed to get it. Chanting ‘eating’s cheating and sleep is the enemy’ as we stayed up all night and walked home in daylight, shoes in hand and smiles as wide as our faces.

That was my youth and it was awesome!

Although our experiences happened on the opposite side of the world, the knowledge that we’d both hit those dizzy heights and survived, somehow brought us together. We’d felt the same things. We’d both let go and somehow made it back. We were already connected.

In the early days of our relationship we had a few scattered nights like this. We excitedly relived our youths in dark clubs and random house parties. We danced all night and had wild sex until the sun came up. Childless and hungover we slept through the next day, ordering takeaway and eating in bed. It wasn’t pretty but it was a lot of fun.

Most of our friends, married with kids, shook their heads, while taking pleasure in every tiny detail of our debauchery. Reigniting the desire within themselves, to get out and let loose. But sure enough the sobering reality of family life and early Sunday morning cuddles set in. A knowing smile replaced the envy.

They knew these days would be short-lived for us and our time for adulthood would return.

And sure enough, as time marched on, the wild nights became less. And like a flame blown out they disappeared altogether.

There’s no doubt that this is a good thing. I am not built to party every weekend, there’s a reason youth is for the young. The hangovers took longer and longer to recover from and Tuesday mornings got harder to bear.

And after all, no one wants to be the oldest person on the dance floor.

So, without realising we stepped away from that part of our lives for the second time. Everything else became very grown up. We had boozy BBQs with friends and playdates that filled the house with children. Work projects took priority and plans got pushed back, the early night reigned supreme. The hedonistic days were gone and everything was fine.

A grey sensible undies kind of fine.

But our relationship felt sad. I longed to feel a deep connection and not just this surface level survival of who’s picking up the kids and what’s for dinner. I felt closer to the coffee mums than I did my man – I just wanted to feel some excitement in our relationship. Something, anything!

Being the adult took over and somehow smothered everything else, as did all the things you’re supposed to do in adult life. Something was missing. It wasn’t something big. Just a small niggle in the background, like a dripping tap. Not a flood that needs to be fixed immediately, just a constant reminder that something’s not quite right.

The routine of weekend sports and the familiarity of his touch, somehow sped up time and suddenly a few years had passed. New lines appeared on my face and old clothes didn’t fit the way they used to.

And then I turned 40! And I knew it was time.

We needed to reconnect with each other and ourselves. Marriage and kids had taken its toll and it was time to not be the adult – just for once.

For one glorious day and night we threw out the sensible undies and maternity bras.

We convinced a family member to take our children for 24 hours and with our close friends, we let loose.

Childless and free we partied hard. We danced on the beach, swam in the sea and remembered what it felt like to let go of reality and for once, not be the adult.

We felt love for each other, (we also felt love for everyone and everything around us.) But most importantly we connected on a level that everyday life doesn’t leave much space for. We stopped being parents and became lovers again. We prioritised the closeness and danced to the rhythm of our heartbeats, sweaty and with a single focus.

We woke up the next day closer than the day before. Our bodies entangled, reminded what it felt like to put each other first, to prioritise what feels good.

Hungover and with tired eyes we picked up the kids and returned to life as normal. But something inside us had changed, a fire had been re-lit. We lingered longer as we brushed past each other in the kitchen and kissed with passion when we said good night.

I’m not sure how long until the next time, I know it won’t be soon, old age does not make hangovers easier, that is for sure.

However, when I find parenting hard and catch myself remembering the advice, that I am in fact the adult, I also smile and remember that for the sake of my sanity and my relationship, I don’t always have to be! I’m still me, a little tamer than before, but still wild enough.

P.S. At 20, I could survive on two hours’ sleep, a can of Coke and a chocolate bar. At 40, not so much. These days as much effort goes into planning my recovery as goes into the night out. One night out now requires electrolytes, vitamins and at least 48 business hours of no one talking to me. If you have to jump back into ‘adult life’ straight away, this is the hangover recovery stuff we swear by! Seoul Tonic Pre Drinking Korean Pear Recovery Tonic